It's 11:30 A.M. and I'm sitting in my living room watching it rain once again. It looks like it's 8pm outside. Once again, we are in for a day of severe thunderstorms with the possibility of tornadoes. I HATE this weather...HATE IT! I don't mind thunderstorms...in fact, I actually enjoy the soothing affect of thunder and soft, steady, rain but I DO NOT enjoy spending hours at a time glued to the TV, wondering when/if I've got to get me and the toddler in the bathtub or trek to the neighbor's storm cellar.
I'm SICK of Jon & Kate drama! I mean...seriously! I said more than a year ago, just by occasionally tuning into the show,they were in trouble! Did anyone listen? Apparently I didn't tell the right people! I think I'm NOW more interested in the obsession of watching this family fall apart. And it is a little bit like Uncle Jon and Aunt Kate are getting divorced! It's sad but it's more sad that our country is so eager to watch someone else fail. My opinion...if anyone wants it....it takes 2 people to make a marriage and it takes 2 people to fail a marriage. I think they are both to blame for needs not met, feelings not considered, love not given, kindness not shown, respect not mutual, work not equal, etc. Ultimately...that is just the bottom line. There may be exceptions but...I would be hard pressed to find them...if you truly got to the bottom of things.
Well fixing to turn the lights out on Father's Day 2009! It was completely, literally uneventful for me. Lailey and I stayed in...didn't go to church because she is kinda croupy sounding and don't want to put her in the nursery cause then she truly would be sick and she more than likely would not sit through the service without yelling at the top of her lungs during Pastor's message.
The heat index at 3pm today said 112! ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE PEOPLE!!!!!! This - is - SEWIOUS!(to quote ming ming the wonder pet) It's the end of June and I'm just wondering what July and August will hold for us. I would say I can't take it but what am I to do? I've resorted already to NO makeup and just forget about my hair. If you have naturally curly hair, like me, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I used to LOATHE my curls but honestly I don't mind them now. I actually think having curly hair in this humidity is actually better. Cause what about those poor folks with just wavy hair? They try to straighten, 10 minutes outside and...that was a waste!
So I'm in the bed, writing...well trying to write....next to my sleeping, newly turned 10 month old! It is hard to believe Lailey is 10 months. When you hear moms and dads say, "you won't believe how fast the time will go" they weren't kidding. This is CRAZY! It was like YESTERDAY that I was pregnant with her. It's been the most incredible 10 months of my life. Lailey is truly a joy and so much fun. She's entering that stage of starting to be really really funny. I laugh, for real, many times a day at her faces, noises, expressions, innocence. God so knew what he was doing when he planned this whole thing....babies.
I think there is something different about being a mom later in life. I was 39 when I had her and while there are certainly challenges, i think my thought processing is...well better. I see young moms who freak out at the smallest things. Don't get me wrong. I'm concerned! I'm just not overly dramatic. Lailey recently had to have a 3D Head Scan for a small bump on her forehead that has been there since she was born and when the doctor starting saying things like, "frontal lobing, brain lesion, skull sutures" I COULD have freaked out but I didn't. I had about a 30 minute "processing" time where I was very quiet and contemplative but I was NEVER freaked out. I knew it was nothing(and it wasn't). I know half a dozen young moms who would have flipped their wig over something like this. I thank God for Lailey this late in life. I'm more patient, I'm more understanding and knowledgable of just life in general. No offense to ANY young moms out there. It's a hard job no matter when and how you are doing it! I just see kind of a pattern here.
I'm ready for different...well maybe just consistent weather. It's beautiful right now (2:26pm CST) but has been gray and cloudy with serious wind all day. Tonight...calling for thunderstorsm. Oh the temperature says 72! I had to turn the air conditioner on in my condo! Tomorrow....high of 38 and chance of snow! WTF????? Seriously!?! I will never get well.
I think the weather has a large impact on how well I work too. The gray, gloomy skies bring a melancholy and procrastination that drives me NUTS! The spring type weather puts a well....spring in my step and gives me a burst of energy that makes me feel like I could do anything. I need more of the latter. I have a lot to do.
I have a 6 month old that is beginning to teeth. She is such a good baby but has been somewhat fussy this week.
Back to Reality. What is reality? My reality is no longer something I recognize! I had first time mommy friends who, after giving birth, felt insignificant and less, somehow, than what they were before having their children. I didn't really understand that until now. Don't get me wrong. The birth of my daughter is a miracle and the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I guess that is why these emotions are a little confusing. Shouldn't this be the happiest time of my life? On one hand it is and on the other I feel incredibly blue and lost. I realize some of this stems from not working. I have not worked since the middle of August. I knew it would be difficult to go back to work on my salary and be able to afford day care. I simply can't do it. I am praying and contemplating moving back to Oklahoma to be closer to family. It just seems like the right thing to do...well...no..it FEELS like the right thing to do. I need my family. Lailey needs my family.